Nanny Fran is trying to encourage 13-year-old
Brighton's interest in video-making and hires him to
tape her cousin's bris. (That is, the party. One
summary of this episode refers to her "throwing a
Typical gag: in his ignorance, he films the brisket.
He is told "that's the mohel who did you." The
baby is circumcised. Brighton passes out at
the crucial moment...
...missing it but creating a "humorous" tape, which
wins the family a trip to LA.
show says perhaps the least of any about what is
actually happening, because "everybody knows"
circumcision itself is trivial.
Niles is complaining to Fran about Christmas, and
Fran says how easy Jewish holidays are.
Niles: Is it too late to convert? Fran: Never! We'll get you a Bar Mitzvah and
of course a circumcision. Niles: Suddenly I'm filled with the Christmas
that only Jews are circumcised, and acknowledging
that adult circumcision is painful.
4.17: "Samson, He Denied Her" (First broadcast
February 19, 1997)
Vincenzo (Luigi Amodeo) is in court accusing his
housekeeper of cutting off his hair, but onlookers
think he is talking about his penis. Fran is in the
a young woman sharing an apartment with three men.
Schmidt, a flashy businessman and male stripper (Max
Greenfield) thinks he is a gift to women.
Schmidt: Nick! I came up with the best name
for an uncircumcised penis. Bishop in a turtleneck!
we are to laugh at him, not with him: one commentator calls this "a
contribution to the douchebag jar".
Schmidt finishes his shower and realizes his bath
towel is missing from the hook. To get to his bedroom
he must cross the living room with just a hand towel
in front of his crotch. Jess (Zooey Deschanel) is
seated in his path, knitting with 2 friends. Walking
backward for modesty, Schmidt stumbles and falls,
dropping the hand towel. He stands with his hands over
his crotch as the women joke:
Sadie: See? He's a natural blond.
CeCe: "What shape is that supposed to be
Jess: Think he's trying to force
(Schmidt raises his hands, standing defiantly
stark naked.) Jess: You are Jewish!
Yet again the fallacy that "Only Jews are
circumcised." Are they entered in a lamest joke
comedy, Series 03 Episode 09 "Double Date Danger"
first broadcast February 11, 2017 Henry Hart aka Kid Danger (Jace Norman): (amputating
a finger) I'm not a rabbi, but mazel tov!
at least indicates the seriousness of genital cutting.
Night and Day
UK) Soap opera, initially broadcast both day and
(with additional material) night.
(final episode) One of the principal young
men, Sam Armstrong (Stuart Manning), has his towel
pulled off him when he is leaving the shower and he is
photographed. The photograph is given to his Jewish
girlfriend. To keep her, he agrees to be circumcised.
He is next seen lying on an operating table under a
Star of David. The mohel comments: "We don't see many
your age in here."
Four years later, he is wearing a full beard and the
dress of an Orthodox Rabbi.
literally than usual, it is circumcision that has
made a man Jewish.
Thanks to NORM-UK
"Nip-Tuck" or "NipTuck") FX Channel, July 22, 2003
didn't wait for its circumcision sequence. It began
in episode 1.
Glamourous, caddish cosmetic surgeon Dr Christian
Troy (Julian McMahon)
and Matt McNamara (John Hensley III), son of Troy's
ethical, impassive homely partner Dr Sean McNamara
(Dylan Walsh) are about to go sailing in Troy's
cruiser, the Boatox.
Christian: God, it is beautiful out here, huh?
Hensley III (Matt McNamara)
Matt: Oh yeah, it's perfect weather for
Christian: I want you back by third period,
Matty. We agreed. Here. I wrote you a doctor's excuse.
Matt: Thanks. Hey listen. and thanks for the
medical consultation stuff. Um, when can we schedule
Christian: Whoa, Whoa Whoa. Slow down. Like it
or not we have to talk to your dad about this. You're
under 18. He has to sign the consent form.
Matt: Yeah....he'll never go for it. He's such
Christian (angrily): Hey! Don't you
call your father that. You don't know how lucky you
got it. Besides your dad is not an asshole. Robots
can't be assholes. (They laugh)
Later. Sean and Christian are scrubbing up
Sean: See, my wife's perceptive.(laughing)
Christian: Well you're not. A lot goes on in
your family you don't know much about. If my son was
getting brutally razzed at school, I'd have picked up
on his changed behavior.
Sean: (surprised) Matt's having trouble
at school and he told you this?
Christian: He's torn up. I guess he was
showering at gym and shit and some tough guys were
laughing at him and calling him "Anteater".
Christian: Basically, he's self-concious about
his dick and he wants a circumcision.
[In South Miami?]
Sean: He doesn't need a circumcision. That's a
Christian: We're in the vanity business, Sean,
it's what we do. Appearance is everything to a kid.
It's how you fit in. Snip, Snip. He feels better about
himself. And you, sir, can make that happen. How cool
Sean: I'm not doing anything to my son's penis
or my wife's breasts. [She asked him] I don't
want my family infected by what we do here.
Christian: And what is it that we do here,
Sean, other than make people feel better about
Sean: What we do here is let people
externalize the hate they feel about themselves. Which
is why I want to hire a fulltime psychologist to
screen people better.
Christian (sarcastically): Great, and
let's do yoga in the lobby.
Sean: Since Botox went wide it's been like a
factory in here. There's no discernment, no caution.
Christian: This is a business, Sean, a very
good business that is on the verge of setting us up
Sean: Well, maybe I don't want to be in this
Later. The waiting room. Julia McNamara (Joely
Richardson) is reading a magazine. Enter Christian
Christian (surprised): Julia!
Christian: To what do we owe the pleasure?
Julia: Hey, oh, um, Sean's having a
professional sitdown with Matt to talk to him about
Christian: So, I Heard. Tough stuff.
Julia: Seems Dr. Spock didn't write a chapter
about, um.... [He did. He changed his mind.]
Hey, Thanks for talking to him last week.
Christian (ironically): Everyone needs
someone in their life who who'll listen, right?
Sean: (to Matt) Tell me what you like about
Matt: Look, Dad, I'm grateful that you're
treating me like an adult. But if we have to do this,
can we skip the psycho mind-probe stuff?
Sean: Our mother and I have thought a lot
about this topic. We didn't give you a circumcision
because you were six weeks premature. Your little
fighting body didn't need the stress of an operation.
Matt (shrugs): I could have handled it.
[As well as failing to
address Matt's concerns, this conversation is full
of non-sequiturs. As usual, the real reasons for
leaving babies' penises alone - such as human
rights and pleasure
- are not mentioned.]
Sean: Matt, why did you go to Christian with
your concerns instead of me?
Matt: Because he's cooler than you and he
listens to me. I don't get that Father-knows-best
bullshit from him. He treats me like a man.
Sean (nods): Matt, I'm going to make an
appointment with a psychologist. I apologize we don't
have one on the staff here. We should.
Matt: Whoa! What? Why?
Sean: You've never bowed to peer pressure
before. I think something's going on.
Matt (upset): Look, I just want it, OK?
I don't want guys talking trash about me and I know women don't like it
when you're not cut. It's the smell or
something....even though I keep it clean,
so feel free to skip the hygiene lecture.
Sean: Matt, are you having sex with girls?
Matt: Not with girls, Dad. With Vanessa. Maybe
you've over-heard me talking to Mom about her. You
know she's beautiful, she's a varsity cheerleader. She
can have any guy she wants. And she chose me.
Sean: So you have had sex?
Matt: It's getting there and I know she'll see
it and hurl.
Sean: Matt, if this girl genuinely cares about
you, she's not going to care about something trivial
as extra skin. [Not extra.
Matt: Trivial?! This is my life! This is not
trivial. Look, for once.......just give me something
that I need.
July 29, 2003
Matt is sitting at the kitchen table doing
homework. Enter Sean.
Sean (throwing a condom on the kitchen
table.): Heads up.
Matt(picking it up, shocked but smiling):
Sean : It's a prophylactic, Matt.
Matt: Well, yeah. I know what it is, Dad. Why
did you give it to me?
Sean: You're worried about your girl's
reaction to your foreskin on the first time, right?
Well, you responsibly slip this on when that time
comes... she won't even know. Once you get your sea
legs, you can be confident enough to initiate a
conversation about what a foreskin is and how it
really won't affect her pleasure. [No
that it might actually give her more
Matt looks angry, frustrated and/or disappointed
Later. We see the lower halves of a man undressing
a woman. Track up to reveal Matt and his girlfriend,
Vanessa, kissing passionately. Cut to them in bed
Matt: Mmm? Mmm?
Vanessa: I want to try it.
Matt: Oh... OK.
He gets out of bed
Vanessa: Where are you going?
Matt: Oh... uh... I was gonna get a condom.
Vanessa: I want to see it first.
Matt (smiling nervously ) OK...
He rolls on to his back looking uncomfortable.
Vanessa moves out of shot to inspect him at length.
When she surfaces he begins to kiss her but she
Vanessa: It looks like a Shar-Pei. Are you
part-Arab or something? [Virtually
Arab men, being Muslim, are circumcised. This
presumably reveals the scriptwriters' ignorance
rather than Vanessa's. It's been suggested she's
referring to Arab horses ...]
Shar-Pei and (right, to the same scale) a foreskin.
The same comparison is used in Sex
and the City
Matt: Uh....no. (pause)
Matt: Does it turn you off that that I'm not -
Vanessa (Avoiding eye contact.): No,
not at all. (pause) Maybe we should just make
out today. (She starts to kiss him on the mouth but
Matt he does not respond.)
(Later . Matt and Christian are in a strip club)
Matt: Why won't you give me the circumcision?
He doesn't even have to know.
Christian: Carving up your dick is a little
more telltale than buying you a 6-pack on the sly,
(A waitress approaches)
Matt: Uh... Hi....I'll have a Dewar's straight
Christian: (Chuckles. ) He'll have a
Coke. (He ogles the waitress) I'll have the
Dewar's, sweetheart. Thank you
Christian: Besides, I'm of the opinion your
father's right about this one. You don't need a
Matt: Oh, fine. If you guys won't help me,
I'll go to another surgeon.
Christian: Who'll operate without a signed
parent consent form. Good luck. The problem isn't your
dick, Matty. It's your confidence. You were timid and
embarrassed. She saw that and that's what turned her
(Waitress returns with their drinks.)
Matt: Thanks. Um......why are we here?
Christian (Chuckling): Because we are
gonna work on the confidence part. Yeah!
Matt (laughing): You're kidding me,
Christian: Au contraire, my little
virginator. I've arranged for you to just get it out
of the way. A little bang under your belt, I firmly
believe you'll be able to bicycle over to Vanessa's
place, grab that peachy ass and show her how it's done
- with no fear.
Christian (facing Matt): Girls don't
care if you have a 2 inch pecker, a hairy ass, or
balls the size of cranberries. What they care about is
that you know what you're doing.
Matt (chuckling and sighing): So which
Christian(pointing over his shoulder at a
woman who is waving and smiling at Matt.):
Behind me. On the stairs . Her name is Avanti. Rumor
has it she can suck the peel off an apple.
Matt: I feel entirely creep about paying
someone to pretend they like me. No... Hey....
besides, man, I'm not gonna cheat on Vanessa . I love
her. Haven't you ever had that?
(Avanti walks over)
Avanti (to Matt): Hey, Papi.
Matt: Ahem..... Um....yeah......Thank you (to
Christian) but...um..no (to Avanti) no
Christian: Fair enough.(Sigh) Mmm, now
if you'll excuse me. I'm gonna go upstairs and pay
someone to pretend they like me.
(He takes Avanti by the hand and leads her
upstairs, leaving Matt sitting alone)
(Later. Matt is sitting at a computer in in his
bedroom. He types in "circumcision". ... He adds the
words "how to" and hits "Search")
(Later. Matt and his mother Julia are in the
Matt: Hey, Mom. Do you have any cuticle
Julia: Why do you need those?
Matt (holding up his hand): Why do you
think? I have a hang nail.
Julia: Upstairs bathroom. Third drawer on the
(Later. Matt back at the computer)
Voice: "Hey, how's it going? You've logged
onto Joey's Self-Circumcision Web Page. A guide for
guys like me who have a foreskin problem and are too
embarrassed to have the doctor do the duty. First
things first, guys. Relax. A shaking hand means you
could slip. I took a mild muscle relaxant."
(Matt pours himself a glass of wine)
Voice: "Other guys I know fared well on a
glass of red wine. Be smooth and confident."
(Matt takes a big swallow. Later: he is pouring
himself another glass, drinking it all, then
another. He drinks from the bottle, finishing it.
Matt reads and sharpens the cuticle scissors.)
Voice: "Your surgical tools have to be
sharpened to razor-sharpness. When you do, the cuts
are virtually painless and bleed very little. I didn't
use ice or anything. There was no need."
(Cut to Matt staring at a picture of Vanessa. He
begins to take off his shirt, then unzips his jeans,
pulls them down a little and then pulls down his
boxers a little. He reaches for the cuticle
Voice: "For the first cut, grip the foreskin
and pull it out. Cut in a circular motion, removing a
thin quarter inch strip."
Matt looks shakily downward. We hear a single
clipping sound. Matt flinches and closes his eyes.
Slowly he raises his hand and his fingers are
covered in blood. He slowly passes out hits the
floor as the screen fades to black..
August 5, 2003
Next morning. Julia is pacing around outside
closed double doors.
Julia: What's going on, Matt? Are you OK?
Matt (on the other side, in the bathroom):
Look, I'm gonna be fine, Mom. (to Sean, who is
seated on the closed toilet lid) Right? I'm
gonna be fine?
Sean: Take the ice pack off. Let me see.
Matt (resisting): Mm-mmmm
Sean: Matt, I changed your diaper hundreds of
times. I've seen it. Come on.
After a long pause Matt removes the ice pack. At
the crucial moment, the shot changes: though we
repeately see the most gruesome plastic surgery in
medical-school detail, we never see a live penis.
Sean (incredulous): You took a chunk
out of your foreskin and lacerated the opening of your
urethra. I can apply a slight pressure bandage. That
will get you through the next couple of hours.
Matt: And then what?
Sean: And then later today you're coming into
the office. And I'm gonna give you a proper
Matt: No shit?
Sean: On one condition: you start
communicating with me! If there is something about
your body you want changed, one of those nipple rings,
whatever, we talk it out before you try self-mutilation.
And if you have questions about sex, for instance, how
to find and stimulate the clitoris, you come to me. I
want to be involved in your life, Matt. Deal?
Matt (after a long pause): Deal.
Later. Sean, Julia and Matt are having breakfast.
Matt reaches for an apple.
Sean: Aah! No food 12 hours before surgery.
Julia: Matt, you've never even had your
tonsils out. Are you sure you want to do this?
Matt: Yes. It's important to me, Mom. And Dad
Sean: No, I don't agree. What you did has to
be corrected by a professional. [This
is not "correction". Salvage would be possible,
though it is fine surgery.] I'm doing
your circumcision out of medical necessity. Before we
leave, you need to shave your genital region, Matt.
Matt: And the humiliations just keep coming,
don't they. (Exit.)
Julia: I don't like this.
Sean: He'll be fine. I promise.
Later. Sean and Christian are scrubbing up. Later
still, the operating theatre, Matt on the operating
table. Sean looks worried.
Matt: Uncle Chris, what are you doing here?
Christian: You're the most important patient
we've ever operated on, Matty. We're just taking extra
precautions, that's all.
(Nurse) Liz: OK guys. Ready when you are.
Matt: I'm afraid.
Sean and Christian look at each other
Sean: You're gonna be fine, Matt. I wouldn't
do this unless I could guarantee that.
Liz: I want you to count back from 10, OK?
Matt: 10, 9, ... ( and he's out. Matt is circumcised.)
Sean: All right. Let's do this. Clamp.
Christian hands Sean the scalpel. Sean begins to
lower the scalpel but stops. His hand is trembling.
Christian: Let me do it. You're nervous.
Sean: I'm fine. I want to do this.
Christian: It's OK. We'll trade. You do
Grubman's tummy tuck afterwards. I'll do Matt.
Slow motion. Sean passes the scalpel to Christian.
Instead of seeing anything of Christian doing the
circumcision, to a Strauss waltz, we see ghoulish
detail of the tummy tuck, with emphasis on the
forklike retractors and a large gob of fat being
dropped in a bowl.
Later. Vanessa and Matt are on Matt's bed
Vanessa: Did it hurt?
Matt: You were worth it
They both chuckle, looking into each other's eyes.
Matt: The stitches come out next week. We can
do it anytime after that.
As they move together, Sean bursts into the room
Sean: Matt, have you urinated yet today? (He
starts when he sees Vanessa.
Vanessa (laughing): Buzzkill. Later.
Matt and Sean in the bathroom
Matt: Why do you want to see this?
Sean: I had to suture your urinarius, and I
want to make sure there's no blood in the urine. That
would be a sign of internal hemorrhaging. And I want
to be here to support you.
Matt (puzzled): Why do I need that?
Sean: The first time you pee after an
operation of this nature, It's going to feel like
you're pissing fire, Matt. Just press down on my hand
and scream if you want. Nobody's going to judge you.
Matt: I- I don't need to hold your hand, Dad.
And, uh, can you give me some privacy?
Matt tries to urinate
Sean: Vanessa's a little hard body, Matt.
Looks like you're dating a future prom queen.
Matt: I can't dance.
Sean: OK, well let's come back in an hour
Matt: No, I, uh I mean I really can't dance.
You're right about the prom thing. She's already asked
me to go. And I don't.....don't know how to dance.
Sean: Uh, Well that's OK. Neither could I. You
just say "It's not my thing."
Matt: This works?
Sean: I didn't even dance at my own wedding.
Women like it when there's some mystery there.
Later. Loud rock music. Matt is knocking and
calling at the front door of Vanessa's house. He
enters the house. He sees Vanessa's pompoms and book
bag on a settee. He goes upstairs and slowly opens
Vanessa's door. Vanessa is passionately kissing and
groping another girl. They see Matt. Matt runs out.
Later. Matt comes home and tries to sneak upstairs
Sean: Hey! Come on in here!
Matt comes back.
Sean: So tell me.
Matt: Tell you what?
Sean: How did it go with Vanessa? The stitches
are out. I figured you- you know.
Matt (unconvincingly): It was great, Dad.
Sean: Just- great?
Matt: It was everything I wanted it to be. And
I want to thank you for just really helping me out and
giving it to me.
Sean: You're welcome. (They hug)
Matt: Uh, I'm gonna go wash up for dinner.
Matt goes to his room and closes the door. He
leans against it and starts crying.
[And well he might. While
this plotline is hardly pro-intact, not only did
Matt's circumcision go to waste, but Vanessa was
probably telling the truth that it wasn't his
foreskin that was bothering her.]
In later episodes:
Neighbours blaming Matt for another incident say
he "cut his own dick off."
Matt says to a Jewish friend who is considering
converting to Christianity, "I wish I'd saved my
foreskin; I could give it to you."
Episode 2.3. "All Is Vanity", broadcast 22 July 1991
Written by: Andrew Schneider and Diane Frolov
Directed by: Nick Marck
Shelly Tambo (Cynthia Geary) goes to bed with Holling
Vincour (John Callum) and makes an offhand comment
about him being intact. He asks Dr Joel Fleischmann
(Rob Morrow) to circumcise him to be "more in style,"
but Joel advises against it. Shelly talks him into it
again, but he has a bad dream (in which Joel
circumcises him with a sword in front of an audience
"[to give] it a more youthful and vigorous appearance"
and something goes wrong).
Sensing his lack of motivation, Joel finds an excuse
(clotting disorder) NOT to
series about a family living next to a polluted
swamp. Episode 2: "Narcoleptic Scottie" written by
Youngest son, Milo (who is highly medicated for
his Attention Deficit Disorder, among other
things) is being put to bed by his mother,
Pickles: And so the sexual odyssey of these
two strangers breaks every taboo, leading to an
unforgettable nine and a half weeks.
Milo: Read me another video box, Mommy.
Pickles: No, honey, it's time to board the
sleepy train to slumber land where fairies make all
your sweet dreams come true. Lockdown! (She pulls
up the bed railings)
Milo: Oh, Mom, I'm fully medicated.
Pickles: Milo, last night you were up till
dawn trying to circumcise ants.
Milo: That's not crazy. It's a matter of
hygiene. (Pickles blows him a kiss and locks him
in his bedroom.)
more of TV's endless endorsement of circumcision,
parody of TV's endless endorsement of
attempt at simple bizarreness, but with the
implicit assumption that circumcision is
"a matter of hygiene"
summary: Mike (Eddie Kaye Thomas) and Chau (John
Cho) harass Euan (Sean Maguire) for sporting the
"natural" look and launch a grass roots movement
against his foreskin, so Euan consults with
urologist Dr. Barry Wasserman (guest star Eugene
Levy) who has a bizarre style of penis humor. Lauren
Stamile and Jason George also star. Danny Zuker
& Warren Bell wrote the episode directed by
A locker room at a gym
Euan: (undressing) I have to say it
is nice to finally get to work out with you guys. I
just always work such crazy hours, you know. I
really do enjoy the camaraderie.
Chau: (in terror) What the hell is
that?! (points at Euan's penis, buries his face
in his locker)
Euan: (bewildered) What's what?
Chau: (pointing at Euan's penis again)
On your thingy. You freak! (1)
Mike : Oh... oh... you haven't seen Euan the
Euan: Ah yes... Very good. Ha Ha Yes, I am
Chau: Dude I'm... I'm sorry for staring.
But, um... it scares me.
Euan (Sean Maguire )
Euan: Hey look... guys, look... This is
natural. This is the way God intended. And I don't
believe God makes mistakes.
Jay: Hey Euan. How's it hanging?
Euan: Hey Jay. You know my guys. (Jay,
Chau, and Mike greet by high-fiving
Jay: Say, Euan, I didn't realize it was
Euan: (confused) I beg your pardon.
Jay : (pointing at Euan's penis) I
see you're wearing your turtleneck. (Laughter,
more high fives)
Euan: (frustrated) Ah, that's good.
Can I just say something? If we were in a European
locker room, I would be in the majority.
Jay: Seriously, Euan, you should have that
taken care of. I mean, you're a very attractive man
but that penis is a disaster. (2)
Euan: Well what would you have me do, Jay?
Jay: Get circumcised.
Euan: No way!
Jay: Hey... hey, I'm your boss, OK Go see
Euan: (still frustrated) I'm 25 years
old. I don't have a urologist, Jay. I wouldn't even
know where to find a urologist.
(Enter Dr Wasserman from
Dr Wasserman: I'm a urologist. (The men
laugh.) But seriously, I am a
urologist. That's my luxury sedan parked out front -
with the license plate P P DOC (he hands out his
Chau: I saw that. Sweet ride.
Dr. Wasserman: I call it the penis mobile.
Anyway, I specialize in pediatric urology.
Mike: (pointing at Euan's penis) That
will be perfect for you, little fella.
Dr. Wasserman: Don't you listen to him. You
are perfectly normal.
Euan: Thank you , Doctor.
Dr. Wasserman: Except for the anteater (laughs)
Seriously though... It's very, very unpleasant. (3)
The apartment Euan alone. Enter Liz and Jordan
Euan: Hey Liz. Hey Jordan.
Liz: What's up with you?
Euan: I was just thinking about my penis.
Jordan: (an airhead) Now I'm thinking
about it. Ah great! Now your penis is going to be
stuck in my head all night.
Euan: All right... All right... No... See,
the boys were teasing me today at the gym because I
sport the natural look. Do women have an opinion on
Liz: It's not that big a deal. You do fine
with the women. Obviously there's some who don't
mind that much.
Jordan: Yeah, some chicks are into weird
Jordan: You should see this urologist in our
medical group I work for. Dr. Barry Wasserman. He's
so funny. He calls his house Casa de Pee Pee.
Enter Status with his
date, Tonya. Small talk
Jordan:(suddenly yelling) Euan is
uncircumcised! Isn't it gross? (5)
Status: Well, it's certainly gross to talk
Euan: (embarassed) Jordan, it's a
Tonya: I don't really know you. But speaking
as a woman. It's no big deal to me.
Euan: (surprised and relieved)
Tonya: Sure. As long as I don't have to
touch it. (6) (Exit Tonya
Liz: Euan, relax. Women like you for you.
Only the most shallow women are going to get bent
out of shape by appearance.
Jordan: Whip it out. I want to see it.
The apartment. Later.
(Status, Mike, and Chau.
Status is helping Mike get dressed for his date
with Liz. Euan comes downstairs)
Euan: (coming downstairs) Gentleman,
I've been crunching the numbers and they don't look
promising. There's a grass roots movement against my
foreskin. A solid 35% of the women I've slept with
lately referred to little Euan as off putting.
Mike: What's the matter.....they don't like
Snuffleupagus? (the hairy elephant-like creature
on Sesame Street) (7)
Status: Listen, you should just go and see
my urologist, Dr. Wasserman. That man is a panic.
Mike: Does everyone know this guy?
Euan: And find him amusing?
Status: I got his number from P. Diddy.
Apparently P had some work done on his diddy.
Dr. Wasserman's examining room
Euan is sitting on an examination table
in a hospital gown, flipping through a magazine.
Enter Dr. Wasserman.
Dr. Wasserman:(to someone offstage)
Just tell him to pack it in ice and stop playing
with it. (to Euan) Mr Pierce. Good
Euan: Ah....Dr. Wasserman. Please call me
Dr. Wasserman: Oh... Reading about Mel
Gibson, I see. He's circumcised.
Euan: Really? It just says here that it
rained a lot during the filming of 'Braveheart'.
Dr. Wasserman: Oh well... we didn't come
here to talk about famous penises now did we? Why
don't you lift the gown and let old Dr. Wasserman
poke around. (Dr. Wasserman inspects Euan's
Dr. Wasserman: Are you okay?
Euan: I just thought I was supposed to do
Dr. Wasserman: No... No... You seem a little
nervous, and you shouldn't be. Why don't you just
relax while I go and get an instrument. (He walks
to a cabinet and pulls out a hedge clipper, the
kind that resembles a big pair of scissors)
Ah... Here we are.
Euan: Lord! (jumps from the table.)
Dr. Wasserman: You see, Euan, I use humor
to, uh, help diffuse the awkwardness of one man
examining another man's penis.
Euan: That's a good bit. I feel a lot more
relaxed now. (gets back on the table.)
Dr. Wasserman: Well, it's thumbs up on the
testicles so to speak. Well, you have no balanoposthitis.
You have no phimosis.
However, I can now make a clear diagnosis of your
Euan: Oh really? What's that?
Dr. Wasserman: Weird wiener-itis (8)
(laughing) But seriously, Euan, it's a
frequent reason for adult circumcision. Let me ask
you... have you given any thought to the kind of cut
you would like?
Euan: (confused) Well... no...
Dr. Wasserman: Would you like to pick one
out from the big book of penises?
Euan: Oh well... I suppose.
Dr. Wasserman: Joking.
Euan: Okay. (chuckles)
Dr. Wasserman: Joking. There is no big book
of penises. I mean maybe there is one, but I
certainly don't have it. One again, I was using
humor ro help put you at your ease.
(Enter Jordan. She tells Dr
Wasserman his next appointment has
cancelled. As she leaves, she drops a magazine on
the floor. She bends down to pick up and sneaks a
peek at Euan's penis)
Jordan: Ha! I saw it! (Euan is
embarrassed. She leaves.)
Dr. Wasserman: Well, um, here I am with some
free time. And, uh, here you are with uh, some, uh,
spare skin. So...
Dr. Wasserman: Don't put off till tomorrow
what you can just cut off with a razor-sharp scalpel
and a Gomco clamp
Euan: Ah... Well I really wasn't expecting,
uh... You know, perhaps you could just talk me
through the procedure.
Dr. Wasserman: Oh yes, yes, yes... Of
course. (pulling over a tray of instruments)
Well quite simply in layman's terms, what I will be
doing is making a small dorsal
slit in the foreskin whereby the foreskin will be
separated from the glans [This
is a reference to infant circumcision.
The adult foreskin is already separated.]
at which point the bell portion of this Gomco clamp
will be placed over the glans and the foreskin
pulled over the bell and through the plate and the
yoke and then I will tighten. (Dr. Wasserman
picks up each instrument and re-enacts each step,
to Euan's horror.)
(Suddenly Dr. Wasserman is notified of
an emergency by the intercom. He hands the Gomco
clamp to Euan and leaves. Euan
immediately puts the clamp down. He picks up
another instrument that has a huge blade like a
Euan: Don't' worry little fella... I'm way
ahead of you. (and proceeds to grab his clothes
and flee the examining room.)
A restaurant. Euan and Chau.
Euan: There were clamps and jokes and
Jordan. It was a nightmare.
Chau: You don't have to tell me. My
circumcision was the worst day of my life.
Euan: (sarcastically) It was the
third day of your life. How could you possibly
Chau: Dude, I remember it all: I'm in this
clear plastic crib chilling, scoping out the lady
babies. I had this sweet knit hat on- made me look
like Baretta. Then this weird doctor was all
choppity-chop-chop. And I'm all 'Dude, lay off the
Euan: Chau, that's insane.
The locker room. Later
Euan is shaving. Mike makes small
talk and leaves. Euan takes off his shorts. Enter
a beautiful blonde female gym employee.
Euan hurries to put his towel on
Blonde: Oops! I'm sorry. We close in a half
hour. I didn't think anyone was in here.
Euan: Oh, that's all right. Come back
Blonde: I'll do that. Do you need a towel?
Euan: Oh, no, no... fine, Thanks, I've got
Blonde: I bet it's not as nice and fresh and
soft as this one. So why don't you drop that one and
Euan: (looks towards Heaven. Voice over:)
Dear Penthouse, I never used to believe that your
letters were true. But this one night at my health
club.... (takes off his towel, throws it to the
side, steps from behind the sinks, and walks
toward the Blonde.)
Blonde: (She finally takes her eyes from
Euan's and looks down at his penis.) Whoa! (9) (she runs away.)
Euan: (startled and frustrated)
Blonde: Uh, nothing. I just remembered I'm
Jewish. (She runs our of the locker room.)
Euan: (grabbing a towel and covering up)
That's it!. I've had it. Right... I'm cutting you
off! (pointing at his penis underneath the towel)
No, not you two. You're fine. (Exit, still
talking to his genitals.)
Dr. Wasserman's examining room
Dr. Wasserman: (raising his head from
underneath Euan's gown.) Now, that's what I
call a good clean shave. Slap a little skin-bracer
down there and we're good to go.
Euan: That's the humor again, right?
Dr. Wasserman: Indeed, it is. (yells)
Suzanne, we're ready!
(Enter Suzanne, pushing a tray of
Euan: That's your urology assistant? She
looks more like a magician's assistant.
Dr. Wasserman: Well, we are about to make
Euan: I set 'em up and you knock 'em down.
Dr. Wasserman: I guess .
Euan: Ah, well, it's a pleasure to meet you,
Suzanne. I can't help but feel we're skipping ahead
a few steps in our relationship.
Suzanne: Wow. Charming and pantless.
Devastating combination. What are we doing today,
Dr. Wasserman: Well, Euan here will be
enjoying a moderate low circumcision. So I will
prepare the anesthetic and then, uh... let's peel
Suzanne: So why are you having this done?
Have you had problems with it?
Euan: No, no, no... Lord no. No, I, uh, just
thrive for perfection.
Suzanne: Oh, wow. Talk about unattractive.
Euan: Yeah, I know. That's why I'm having it
Dr. Wasserman: Okay, Euan. Now, uh, you're
going to feel a little pinch here. Uh, in the sense
that, uh, World War II was a little skirmish.
Suzanne: I didn't mean your foreskin was
unattractive. It's your vanity that's a turn-off.
Dr. Wasserman: Okay....here we go.
Euan: Wait, wait, wait... What do you mean
Suzanne: Well, come on. You're handsome and
charming. But obviously your self-esteem is all
wrapped up in your penis.
Dr. Wasserman: Diving in.
Euan: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait... So you're saying my narcissism is more
offensive to you than my foreskin?
Suzanne: Much more.
Euan: Oh my God! She's right. She's right.
Doc, what am I doing?
Dr. Wasserman: Uh, Euan... This is a simple
case of the jitters. It's all perfectly natural. (walks
toward him with a needle)
Euan: Will you get away from me with that
thing! (He jumps up from the operating table.)
Dr. Wasserman: You know, that's what the
wife said to me last night. I'm just kidding. My
wife is dead.
(Euan is not circumcised)
Euan's foreskin is badmouthed a total of
nine times by eight people, and defended twice, by Euan himself. Even Suzanne
never says his foreskin is not offensive.
Season 2, Episode 4. "P.P. Doc II: The Examination
Continues" 10 October 2002
Mike and Euan board an elevator, followed by a
beautiful young woman. They introduce themselves and
start flirting with her, when Dr Wasserman suddenly
Wasserman: Mike, has the redness gone away?
And what about the flaking and peeling? Are you
still using the lotion twice a day?
Mike: Yeah, yeah, sometimes more; I broke up
with my girlfriend.
Wasserman (talking across the woman):
And you, Euan, hows old Snuffleopagus, ah? I hope
you remember that the, uh, uncircumcised penis poses
challenges to hygiene. And smegma may be a funny word,
but it's no laughing matter, believe you me.
Euan: I remember!
(The elevator stops and the woman gets out.)
Euan: So, Doc, what are you doing here?
Wasserman: I just moved in.
Euan: Oo, welcome!
Wasserman: I'm now a proud resident of the
Hadley on Centre St. I found that since my wife's
death, you know, the house was just too hard to keep
Mike: Kinda like Euan's penis. (They
laugh. Euan looks disgusted.)
Wasserman: Well said, well said. Although I
can't really compare my house to Euan's penis.
Because as far as I know my wife didn't leap to her
death from the roof of Euan's penis. Also our house
was quite large.
(The elevator stops and Wasserman gets out.
The scene changes.)
some humour can be extracted from this scene in Mike
and Euan's near-saintly toleration of Wasserman's
rudeness and uprofessionality. This time there isn't
a single defence of Euan's wholeness.
The Office (US version)
Shower" - first broadcast October 16, 2008
Dwight (Rainn Wilson) is helping Michael prepare for
the birth of Jan's baby by pretending to give birth to
a watermelon. In an interview with the camera crew, he
claims: "Babies are one of my many areas of
expertise. Growing up, I performed my own
circumcision." (In Season 1, he claimed he could raise
and lower his own cholesterol at will.)
implies that circumcision is an inevitable part of
8 Episode 13: Jury Duty
Angela had an affair with Dwight but left him to
marry a Senator. She has now had a "premature" baby
but her officemates note that he is suspiciously
heavy, and Oscar thinks the Senator is gay. Left alone
with Angela, Dwight presses his case:
Dwight: We were together a month before the
wedding. You said that Robert was not fulfilling
you, and I said, 'I bet I could fulfill you,' and
you said, 'I'd like to see you try,' and then I
kissed you with the force of a thousand waterfalls.
(Angela is unconvinced. Dwight leaves)
Dwight (to nurse): Cancel the
circumcision. I just might be his father.
previous reference suggests Dwight has no particular
snitch on circumcising - or the scriptwriters have
no concern for continuity - but his right to decide
about circumcising is here just a token of
on Channel 10
Dr Chris Havel, a paediatritian, tells nurse Zara
that he's been called in to "referee" between two
warring parents who disagree over circumcising their
newborn baby. The father wants it, the mother doesn't.
Chris tells Zara that it's a sensitive issue for him
as he was four when he was circumcised, and he
remembers it. His mother was against circumcision, but
his father, overseas when he was born, came home and
won the argument. The nurse, who's obviously
interested in him, says she "hopes they did a tidy
job", but the doctor doesn't take the bait.
he doesn't like being circumcised at all, that
probably did not help.
In a signifcant British case,
it was ruled that where parents disagree, a court
order would be required for him to be circumcised.
In a significant Oregon
case, a boy aged 14 was allowed to refuse to
be circumcised where his parents disagreed.
"Follows the crew of the not-so-functional
exploratory ship in the Earth's interstellar fleet,
400 years in the future." Season 1, Episode 3 "About
a Girl", first broadcast September 21, 2017
One of the crew, Lt. Cmdr Bortus (Peter Macon) is of
an alien race that is all male. He and his partner
Klyden (Chad L. Coleman) have had a rare female child
(by laying an egg...). When this happens it is the
custom of their society to change her sex to male.
Captain Ed Mercer (Seth MacFarlane) and physician Dr
Claire Finn (Penny Johnson Jerald) object to the sex
change, prompting Bortus to change his mind and want
to leave his daughter as she was born. A tribunal is
called to determine if the sex change should go ahead,
with Mercer as counsel for Bortus. Counsel for Klyden
argues that the crew has no place interfering in their
cultural customs. He asks Bortus if he is circumcised.
Bortus admits he is and the lawyer argues that to
their species, parents choosing to correct a "faulty"
female child is no different from what many humans do
to their male offspring. Baby
has her sex changed.
that US male genital cutting, less than 150 years
old now, will persist unchanged 400 years into the
future (and that an alien would know all about it).
The argument is a bad one: while male genital
cutting is bad enough, it is quite different from a
sex change, and less invasive.
S05/Ep08, "The Ring" first broadcast November 14,
Adam Braverman (Peter Krause) and his brother Crosby
(Dax Shepard) are sitting in the office at their
Crosby: Look, things aren't perfect for me at
home, either. Uh, Jabbar [his 10-year-old son] chose,
over basketball, for his winter sport, ballet. Ballet.
It's not even a sport.
Adam: Ballet, that's cool.
Crosby: That's cool? Ballet?
Adam: Yeah. Whats the problem?
Crosby: Well, he was in the outfit, he had the
whole, you know, he was twirlin' around the kitchen in
the, ya know, super thin, here's-what-religion-I-am
The Braverman family lives outside of Oakland,
California, and does not appear to espouse any
particular religion but mainstream, unaffiliated
Christianity: "Only Jews circumcise."
Parks and Recreation
about local body affairs. Season 1, Episode 3, "The
Reporter", April 23, 2009 The council plans to turn
a construction pit into a park, and are being
interviewed for a local paper by Shauna Malwae-Tweep
(Alison Becker). They have been told to stay on
message and carefully prepared for the interview.
Andy (Chris Pratt), not a staff member himself,
broke his legs in a drunken fall into the pit, but
has not yet told the others.
Shauna: So, Andy, tell me about the night
you fell into the pit.
Andy: You know, that's actually a great
story. Um, I'd just finished up a gig with my
band Threeskin, formerly Fourskin, but our bassist
left for personal reasons.
gratuitous reference is used to indicate Andy going
off-message. Foreskins are always irrelevant. (A
band called The Four Skins occurs in Gore Vidal's Myra
Breckenridge, also purely for its shock
courtroom drama series
A lawyer is questioning a Roma (Gypsy) woman about
"the barbaric practice of arranged child marriages".
The witness points out that America has barbaric
"When a baby is born you cut off the tip of its
After a supernatural event at preacher Jesse Custer
(Dominic Cooper)'s church, he enlists the help of
Cassidy (Joseph Gilgun), a vampire, to find God.
They are joined by Tulip (Ruth Negga). Season 2,
Episode 1. "On the Road"
Cassidy (out of the blue, first lines in
the episode): 70 million circumcisions every
year. That they report! And that’s just in this
country. [The true figure is
closer to 1.2 million] Think about
Tulip: You know what, Cassidy, I don't want
Cassidy: 70 million baby boys' foreskins,
right? Severed. Harvested. Piled up! Shoved in the
bloody warehouses. And you don’t wanna know what
they're using them for.
Jesse: Who’s the ‘they’, Cassidy?
Cassidy: The oligarchs! It's big business.
Cassidy: Skin grafts! Skin grafts -- we know
they're puttin’ foreskin in skin grafts. It was on
the Oprah Winfrey show. And they’re puttin’ it in …
to the … the … the face creams you all use -- the
Tulip: Hold up. They do not put foreskins in
Cassidy: Yes, they do! It helps bloody
collagen or something like that.
Tulip: Cassidy, that is a lie! You’d feel
those ... itty bitty foreskins on you!
Cassidy: What you feel is smoother, younger
seeming skin, see? And that’s how they hook you. You
just gotta think about it.
Jesse: [To Tulip] You do have nice skin.
Tulip: Shut up.
illustrate Cassidy's deranged character. Infant male
genital cutting is a weird thing to talk about (but
not to do).
Broadcast July 21, 2000
A Jewish woman insists her non-Jewish fiance be
circumcised. He cancels the wedding. She asks a doctor
to try to change his mind. (This would be doubtful ethically.) She goes to his
workplace and persuades him. At the last minute she
changes her mind, but he gets
circumcised anyway to prove his love.
Cute "jokes" in surgery about "Can you feel this?" He
gives the doctor a TV (he sells them) in payment. A
relative of the doctor says, "That must have cost a
lot," but the doctor replies, "Oh , it's a little
bargain." [implying that circumcision is trivial] .
The lead character, Dr Sam Beckett (Scott Baluka)
“leaps” into different people’s bodies, temporarily
taking part of other people's lives in order to
correct historical mistakes. In this episode he
inhabits the body of a rabbi. Admiral Al Calavicci
(Dean Stockwell) is an assistand in the form of a
hologram who provides him with the information he
needs to play each part.
Calavicci: My third wife, Ruthie, was
Jewish; she taught me the basics. Of course the more
complicated stuff - weddings, circumcisions - you’re
on your own with that.
topic is apparently not raised again. Enough that we
contemplate Beckett cutting a baby without
instruction. Subtext: infant male genital cutting is
Queer as Folk
about Vince Tyler (Craig Kelly), boyhood friend but
never lover of rich, self-absorbed Stuart Jones
(Aidan Gillen), their parents and their circle of
friends, largely set in the gay clubs of
Manchester's Canal St. Stuart was sperm donor for
Rosalie Cotter (Caroline Pegg) and Romey Sullivan
(Esther Hall), but unlike the US
version, it is Vince who behaves more like
their baby Alfred's father, and there is no
suggestion that Alfred (Alfie Robinson) might be
Episode 7, Scene 3, out-take. Vince's 30th birthday
Nathan (Charlie Hunnam): Donna's getting all
worried. Her present's going off. She bought him
Dazz (Jonathan Natynczyk): What d'you mean,
she's bought him cheese?
Nathan: She bought him cheese.
Donna (Carla Henry): It's brie. (passing
the package to them) It's nice. It's French.
Nathan: (sniffing it) Smells all
cheesy, like a knob.
Dazz: (calls after her) Vodka and Red
Nathan: (relishing the word) Sss-
megma! (They fall under the table laughing.)
is a given that every man has a foreskin, and if it
smells, that's a joke, not a catastrophe demanding
Queer As Folk
about a group of gay and lesbian friends, a spin-off
of the UK version which has
no reference to circumcision.
Official summary: Lindsay and Melanie
have a bris for their new baby Gus, which Brian
decides to miss until Michael convinces him
otherwise. Brian decides to crash the party and
put his parental foot down. ... Brian's
involvement as the father of Gus causes some
relationship strain between Lindsay and Melanie.
Promiscuous and wealthy Brian (Gale Harold) has been
a sperm donor for Melanie (Michelle Clunie) and
Lindsay (Thea Gill). Their friend Michael (Hal Sparks)
(The front of Melanie and Lindsay's house. Various
people are coming with gifts, etc.)
Voice ofMichael: About a week after
their baby was born, thanks in part to the
invaluable contribution of Brian Kinney, Lindsay and
Melanie had a party. They invited a herd of their
nearest and dearest lesbians, assorted relatives and
us...friends of the father, to their house. (Michael
starts walking up the stairs) It was really
But I'm jumping ahead. Let's go back an hour.
(The camera goes in fast motion out of the house
and into the gym, where Brian is working out and
Michael is trying to get him to go)
Brian: I told you. I'm not going to the
muncher's brunch. And that's final.
Michael: Look, it's not for them.
It's for your son.
Brian: My son. He's only my
son when they want my money.
Michael: So why punish him by not going?
Brian: Look, it's not as if he's gonna know
I'm not there.
(Brian enters the steam room, Michael close
Michael: And if anybody should ask where you
Brian: Just tell them the usual. (takes
towel off and throws it at Michael) Something
(At the party. Melanie and Lindsay approach,
Michael: Oh, here he is. Can I hold him?
Lindsay: It's almost time for the ceremony.
Michael: He couldn't make it. He said to
tell you that, uh -
Mel: Something came up. Hm. I can guess
Rabbi: Shall we begin?
Lindsay: This is Rabbi Protesh. He'll be
doing the Bris.
Emmett: Oh, I love pot roast.
Ted: That's brisket. I believe, in the
Jewish faith, a bris is a circumcision ceremony.
Rabbi: That's correct. First I give the boy
child a little wine. Then I say a prayer or two.
Then I take my scalpel and I remove his foreskin.
(At the gym, Brian is changing. His phone rings
and he answers it)
Brian: How's the party? The screen splits to show Michael and Brian)
Michael: You better get your ass over here
Brian: Why? With all those bull-dykes
around, is there a shortage of bottoms?
Michael: No. I... I... Remember Lindsay and
Melanie's invitation, the part that was in Hebrew? I
just found out what that means.
(Melanie is holding the naked baby as the Rabbi
Rabbi: In every Jewish boy's life, there are
three steps to becoming a man. First, his bris. Then
his Bar-Mitzvah, and finally, his marriage. (as
he talks, the camera goes around the room -
Michael and Ted are holding Emmett up) For
thirty-five hundred years, the circumcision ritual
has been the fundamental sign of the covenant
between God and Israel. Melanie, will you please
place your son on his mother's lap? (She does so.
Closeups as the Rabbi picks up a Mogen
Emmett: Oh, my god. He's really going to do
it. Okay, I - I can't, uh -
Michael: Where's Brian?
Ted: Looking after the only dick that
matters... his own.
(As the Rabbi bends over the baby, we hear
Brian: Excuse me, Rabbi. (looks at Mel
and Lindsay) You two. In the kitchen...now!
(In the kitchen)
Mel: What the hell do you think you're
doing? Barging in here, interrupting a religious
Brian: You should have asked my permission
Mel: For what?
Brian: To circumcise my son.
Mel: We don't have to ask for permission.
We're the parents.
Brian: And I'm the biological father, and
that gives me more rights than you.
Mel: Oh, ho ho. I see someone's been
studying his law.
Lindsay: Look, this is no time to be having
this conversation with a house full of guests.
Mel: Yeah, and since when did you start
caring about your son? Considering you haven't been
to see him once since he was born.
Brian: Well, I'm not exactly welcome.
Mel: Oh, bullshit! You've been too busy
fucking everything that moves!
Lindsay: Can we please stop this?! (everyone
falls silent) (to Brian) Why does it matter to
you if Gus is circumcised?
Brian: It matters that he's been in this
world less than a week and already there are people
who won't accept him for the way he is. Who would
even mutilate him rather than let him be the
way he is. The way he was born. Well, I'm not going
to let that happen.
Rabbi: Excuse me? Uh, shall we proceed?
(Everyone is silent as Mel looks at Lindsay)
Baby is not circumcised.
(At the diner. Emmett, Katsuo, Brian, Ted and
Michael all share a booth)
Emmett: You really showed those dykes who's
got the low hangers.
Michael: And for once, it was us.
Ted: I've always said, there's only two
reasons to be friends with lesbians. They'll never
try to convince you that the only reason you're gay
is that you haven't met the right woman. And, uh,
they know how to change a flat.
Brian: It wasn't about them. It was about my
son. If I don't look out for him, who will?
Michael: Wow! If you're not careful, you
might turn out to be an all right dad in spite of
yourself. raises glass) To Brian.
Ted and Emmett: To Brian.
(Melanie and Lindsay's house. Melanie is in a
bad mood as they walk through the house doing
Lindsay: Should I freeze this or toss it?
I'd rather not have it around while I'm trying to
get back into shape. (silence) So, how long
is this going to go on? Or do you plan never to
speak to me ever again?
Mel: What would you like me to say?
Mel: All right, how about "I have a house
full of uneaten cold cuts and an uncircumcised son"?
Lindsay: (drinks) Oh. Look. Brian's
going to take out the insurance policy. At least
he's agreed to do that. That's something, isn't it?
Mel: Oh, my consolation prize.
Lindsay: It was important enough to you last
Mel: So was this afternoon. But now I have
been humiliated in front of our friends, my
relatives, Rabbi Protesh. Where's the goddamn
plastic wrap? (grabs it) And you let him do
Mel: You're the one who decided to call off
the bris. Of course, I know it's not very important
to you or Brian, but it happens to be a very
important ritual in my family.
Lindsay: You know, there are a lot of men
who think circumcision is a cruel and barbaric
Mel: I don't care what men think about their
dicks! I care that you put Brian before me. But, you
know, why should I be surprised? You always have.
Lindsay: Oh, for Christ' sake, are we really
gonna go through this again? I don't wanna have this
Mel: Yeah, and I didn't want Brian be the
baby's father in the first place. But, no, you had
to have it your way. It had to be Brian or no one.
So now he' s a part of our lives forever. Whether we
like it or not.
(Melanie and Lindsay's bedroom. Melanie has been
answering the telephone)
Mel: I'm sorry it woke you, and the baby. I
know you need your rest.
Lindsay: I was up anyway.
Mel: You were? So was I. Just thinking about
all the terrible things I said.
Lindsay: No, I should have stood up to him.
I should have.
Mel: No. I mean, it was best to be
practical. I mean, this way Gus - how am I ever
gonna get used to that name? - may keep his foreskin
but still be provided for.
Lindsay: (sits down next to Mel)
Look, it doesn't matter who's right. We can't allow
Brian to come between us, as much as he'd like to.
Mel: And you know he would.
Lindsay: Even if he is the father, we're
still the parents. You and me. Gus belongs to us.
And that's why we had him.
Mel: Well, you had him. Aside from
saying "Push" and "Breathe" I really didn't have
that much to do with it.
Lindsay: You had everything to do with it. I
never would have had him without you. (They kiss.)
Just remember that...next time you're wondering who
comes first. (they look down at Gus)
neither biological parent is Jewish, Gus is not
Jewish and need not be circumcised.
While some remarkably Intactivist statements are
made (including Brian's implicit linking of the
enforced conformity of circumcision with the
conformity enforced on gay people), much of the
discussion - especially Melanie's contribution -
ignores any effect circumcision might have on Gus.
Emmett creates a screen name for himself that
includes everything that he wants to be: 4 per cent
body fat, big beefy top 9[inches] by 6 UNCUT.
5, 2005] Ted, who has been depressed about aging, going bald,
and gaining weight on earlier episodes, has decided to
undergo multiple cosmetic surgery. In a hospital room
right before the surgery, with several markings on his
face where the alterations will be done, he is having
doubts. Emmett is with him.
Ted: I've never had any surgery before. I
still have everything intact, you know. My ... my
appendix. My tonsils.
Ted: My wisdom teeth. This will be my first
time under the knife.
Emmett: Pish! It's nothing.
Ted: You can sit there and pish all you
want, I'm the one about to suffer severe pain for
the sake of a new me. What if I don't like the new
me? ... Maybe Brian was right ... maybe this
obsession with youth and beauty is shallow,
superficial, and narcissistic.
Ted tells Melanie he's no longer satisfied with
sleeping around since becoming so popular after the
cosmetic surgery, and he wants to settle down. She
tells him that if he wants to get hitched, he needs
a Jewish guy because they make the best marriage
material - that is, if the man can get past his
incestuous relationship with his mother that lasts
beyond the grave.
Later, Ted and Brian are at work at Brian's ad agency
where Ted is Brian's accountant.
Ted: Hey listen, how about coming along with
me to Beth Emmanuel's mixer?
Brian: Who's she?
Ted: It's a temple. They're having their
monthly gay get-together at Woody's and I want to
meet a mensch, settle down.
Later. Ted is at the mixer, at the bar ordering a
drink, As he turns, he bumps into a man and spills it.
After some small talk...
Ted: Ted Schmidt. Shalom
Adam: Adam Bernstein. Shalom, and nice to
meet you too.
Cut to them seated at a table, talking,
obviously attracted to each other.
Ted and Adam come back to Ted's place after their
first date. They kiss
Adam: You know I never put too much stock
into those mixers at Woody's. I mainly went to
confirm my convictions that nothing would ever come
Ted: That's so pessimistic.
Adam: It's not pessimistic. It's, uh, it's
Jewish. But this time it worked out.
Ted: For me, too.
They walk to the sofa.
Adam: Do you mind if I ask you a personal
Ted: "Do I ever have sex on the first date?"
Adam: How did you guess?
Ted: Depends how it goes.
Adam: How would you say this is going?
Adam starts to kiss Ted again, passionately. He
goes down on his knees and starts to unbutton
Ted's pants. Ted lies back. Then he realises
nothing is happening.
Ted: Everything all right down there?
Adam: Frankly, no.
Ted: What's wrong?
Adam: You're not Jewish.
Ted: I never said I was.
Adam: But you were at the mixer.
Ted: I wanted to meet a nice Jewish guy.
Adam (shaking his head, getting up):
So did I.
Ted: Well, look, I mean, why let a little
thing like my not being Jewish ruin what could be a
Adam (adamant): Because I want a
Jewish husband. Because I want to settle down, carry
on traditions, heritage.
Ted: I'll- I'll- I'll have the surgery. Oy,
more surgery. Uh, I'll, uh, convert, huh? Elizabeth
Taylor did it. Marylin Monroe, Sammy Davis Jr...
Adam: Look, you're a nice guy, Ted, just not
a nice Jewish guy.
Later at Babylon, Brian's gay club.
Ted: My date was a bust.
Brian: What went wrong?
Ted: You could say I didn't make the cut.
Brian: You'll live.
Ted: Yeah. I don't know how you do it. You
always know the right thing to say.
usual, "circumcised" = "Jewish" in both Ted's and
Adam's expectations. That Ted could could be unaware
that his intactness might be an issue defies belief.
The contradiction between Adam's traditionalism
regarding circumcision and his lack of it regarding
homosexuality goes unexplored.
3, Episode 21, "Bar Mitzvah: The Musical", first
broadcast 28 March 2013
The parents (Lee Majors, Shirley Jones) of Burt
Chance (Garret Dillahunt) arrive for an unplanned
visit. They tell him that they have done some
genealogy and discovered that they are actually
Jewish. They urge Burt - who must be 40 or so - to
study for and have a bar mitzvah. They'll invite all
their friends, including a bunch of Jewish people they
In a musical scene in which men hoist Burt in a chair
(as at Jewish weddings), everyone in the room sings
about aspects of Judaism. One line is to the effect
that "our wieners are cut". (Fiddler on the Roof
At the end of the episode, Burt's parents are caught
lying about his Jewish heritage. They were short of
money and figured they could get a lot of it by faking
a bar mitzvah.
4 Episode 15, "Anniversary Ball", first broadcast 7
Jimmy Chance (Lucas Neff), is in the manager's office
of Howdy's Market where he works, talking to his
father, Burt, the store's manager, Barney Hughes
(Gregg Binkley), and another employee, Frank (Todd
Giebenhain). Burt has just told the others in the room
that he found a lump on his testicle, and Barney
mentions that he once found a lump on one of his.
Burt: What do I need a doctor for? I got a
Barney. You're an expert.
Barney: Whoa, whoa, whoa Burt, I'm not a
Burt: It doesn't matter. You remember what
yours felt like. If mine feels the same, I know I
got nothing to worry about.
Barney: I'm not qualified...
(Burt stands up in front of the seated Barney
and drops his jeans. Barney's surprised face is
shown from behind Burt, between his legs. Barney
blinks a couple of times while apparently looking
at Burt's genitals, then looks slightly away.)
Barney: (awkwardly) ... and you're
definitely not Jewish.
would have known that from the episode above - but
also, from the same episode, that people can be
Jewish without knowing it or being circumcised. It's
a gratuitous, throwaway line, inserted because of
the jokey uneasiness Americans have with
circumcision. Burt is a bumbling, often clueless
character who says and does outrageous things, and
for the mainstream American audiences this is
written for, being intact is another sign of his
Real Housewives of New York City
5, Episode 16: What Happens in St. Barths Doesn't Stay
in St. Barths.
Heather Thomson: So let me tell you, I
didn't grow up Jewish. When John said "you don't have
to convert to Judaism when you marry me, but I would
like to raise my children Jewish." Carole Radziwill: Are they being raised Jewish?
Heather: Yeah, totally. Carole: Did you have a, what is it when they
cut the, the foreskin? Heather: Oh, yes, he had his bris. A bris.
Yeah. Carole: I've been to a bris. Heather: Yeah, it's not great because, you
know, you feel bad and it doesn't feel good. But it
looks so much better when you're 25, you're like
"YEAH!". Carole: You ever been with a guy uncircumcised?
Heather: Yeah. I don't like it. Carole: I don't mind. Heather: I didn't like it. Carole: I'm a little bit of a size queen, but,
you know, it matters who it's attached to. [implying
her intact partner/s was/were attractive] Heather: Although, I gotta say this, it doesn't
matter who's attached to the small penis. Sorry. [[implying her testes in
men are skin-deepi>]
Real World XIII: Washington DC
10 "Laughing Panda, Changing Ty", first broadcast
March 3, 2010, 22 mins in. video (plays in the US only)
Andrew's younger brother, William, is visiting him.
They are in the hot tub and Andrew says to William
"If I had twins I would circumcise one and not the
other.....that's how I would tell them apart and would
name them the exact same name: Robert and Robert."
has reportedly happened - the single circumcision,
not the name - nobody would be so stupid as
to give twins the same name.
fiction comedy about three mismatched cosmonauts.
Characters routinely uses "Smeg!" as an expletive,
presumably as a contraction of smegma.
It may also be relevant that Smeg is an
Italian brand of whiteware sold widely
existence of smegma is taken as a given.
series about an alien (Alan Tudyk), a cruel monster,
willing to do anything to achieve its ends,
including killing a small town doctor, Harry
Vanderspeigle, and stealing his identity.
Episode 3 "Secrets" (first broadcast February 10,
In Harry's office we can see a poster "Circumcision:
Pros and Cons". It's too small to read the list, but
it features a smiling baby
Harry researches medical procedures and discovering
circumcision, says to himself,"They are a savage
The real Harry's foot is found in a lake. In order
to avoid it being identified, Harry needs a different
human tissue sample. He tells a couple with a baby,
"I'm going to circumcise your son."
The parents say they had been thinking about it.
Harry tells them he's "going to cut the skin off the
end of your son's prick" and reads off the standard
list of AAP medical benefits and says to them "You
don't want your baby to get [gonorrhea] do you?" Dense
and fearful, they respond "No". Baby
is cut and his foreskin is used as the tissue
could be taken as anti-cutting, because even amoral
Harry considers it "savage" and the couple are
presented as gullible.
part 1 of the series
Young men are being trained to be warriors. The chief
"What is the most important role of a Mandinka
warrior? To raise a family ... It is important
that your fotos [penises] be clean and healthy."
Thus begins the circumcision ritual.
is no evidence that African genital cutting was done
for either cleanliness or health. This seems to be a
modern US cultural imposition on the rite.
cartoon. Season 2, Episode 4 Showdown at
Official summary: A mean girl steals babies' toys at
the park, so Tommy stands up to her and turns her
into a nice girl.
Chucky says, "Something happened to him [Tommy] his
first 8 days, I dont know what it is, but after that
he changed and does not like to see babies getting
"Circumcision makes children compassionate"
(unlikely, but one
circumstition is similar) or "Circumcision is
picking on babies."